just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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