He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
