I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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