My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think your dad took our porno
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am one with the molecules
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
