Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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