i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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