you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
