i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
