Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize