There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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