and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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