The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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