It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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