forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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