You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
