i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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