i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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