Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
