i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
