new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Randomize
