Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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