Cold hands, warm shart.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
