ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
