What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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