You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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