Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
