So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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