dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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