did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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