it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
