Having a random hookup so left but love u
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
