So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
