Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it because I queefed?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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