She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
