he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
