Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
