I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
