If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
