im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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