'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
