I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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