my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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