they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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