I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize