o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
