HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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