According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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