thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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