Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
