the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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