Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
