umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
they need to just BURY HIM!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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