Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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