I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
