So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
