i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
