I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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