ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
