His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
