Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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