I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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