She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
