Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
