he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Sorry about my life...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
