I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
