I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize