areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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