How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
