discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
